In His Mind There Was Still Cello Music
by knightshade
Summary: Teal’c is not himself and Jack is worried. Post SG1 Unending and SGA Reunion. It's strictly an SG1 story though.


Title: In His Mind There Was Still Cello Music  
Author: knightshade  
Rating: PG  
Warnings: It's angsty and possibly pretty sad. It makes me cry, but I'm very taken with the big guy so it doesn't take much for him to break my heart.  
Pairings: Discussion of Sam/Teal'c and Sam/Jack  
Spoilers: SG-1 _Unending_ and SGA _Reunion _(this is a strictly SG-1 story though)  
Summary: Teal'c is not himself and Jack is worried.  
Disclaimer: I don't own them. MGM, Gekko and a slew of others do.

**In His Mind There Was Still Cello Music**

He had hoped he would not run into O'Neill while the general was visiting the SGC, but Teal'c knew better than to believe he could avoid an encounter entirely.

"Teal'c! Hey, T!" O'Neill bellowed down the corridor after him. Teal'c stopped and slowly turned.

"What, I can't even get a hello from an old friend?"

Teal'c bowed his head. "Indeed you can. Hello, O'Neill."

"So how are you?" he asked heartily.

Teal'c had long since learned that there were Tau'ri phrases that were acceptable to use, even when they were not true. "I am fine, O'Neill. And you?"

"Great. It's always good to be back here. Too much bureaucracy in Washington." He glanced at his watch. "Look, it's almost dinner time, you want to skip the cafeteria and go out somewhere? Catch up on old times?"

Teal'c was not fooled by the false joviality in O'Neill's voice. "I would be honored. However-"

"Ah! No! No, buts. We'll go to O'Malley's. Get some steaks." O'Neill held out his hands. "I'm buying."

"I am behind on my paperwork-"

"Hey, I'm Hank's boss, remember? If there's anyone who can get you out of paperwork, it's me. What'da ya say, T?"

He knew he was not going to escape having dinner with O'Neill. In resignation, he bowed his head.

"Great!"

- - -

O'Malleys was crowded but they were shown to their table in a matter of minutes. Teal'c never partook of Tau'ri alcohol, but he scanned the list of wine and beer as a child would stare at writing before he was taught to read. It all made little sense to him and yet he found himself tempted. A moment or two of oblivion, a moment or two of being able to forget, held an undeniable appeal.

He closed the menu and set it aside.

O'Neill filled the air between them with stories of his life in Washington, DC. Teal'c tried to find something of interest in what he was saying. He tried to keep his expression carefully neutral. But several times he caught O'Neill searching his face intently.

Finally the waitress arrived and took their orders. O'Neill watched her go and then dropped his practiced nonchalance. "Teal'c, how are you? I mean, really?"

"I am fine, O'Neill," he said, knowing that frustration had crept into his voice. This was not something he cared to talk about.

"Because Daniel mentioned that you've been…different…lately."

Teal'c ground his teeth together in silence. He had vowed to himself he would not take out his anger on O'Neill. It was not his doing, nor his fault. O'Neill had not betrayed him. Not really. "You are here to 'check up' on me."

"I'm here because I'm worried about you, big guy."

"There is no cause for concern."

"Come on, Teal'c." He glanced around the room and then leaned in closer across the table. "Look, if you want to talk about it, you can. It's not really a time paradox. The timeline you were a part of has ceased to exist."

Teal'c knew that O'Neill did not intend to wound him, but he balled his hands into fists under the table nonetheless. "There is nothing to talk about."

"Oh come on, T, you don't have to-"

"You misunderstand, O'Neill," he said, unable to quell the rising fury. "For others it is a mere curiosity. For me it is **my life**. " He banged his fist on the top of the table. The water glasses jumped and splashed. Heads at tables near them turned. O'Neill glanced down at his hands and Teal'c tried to quash the feelings that filled his heart.

"Maybe we should table this discussion until after dinner," O'Neill said quietly.

"Perhaps that would be wise."

- - -

They were not heading back to the SGC. This Teal'c knew, but he refused to ask where they were going. O'Neill steered the rental truck down the highway and then through the winding streets of his old neighborhood before pulling the vehicle to the side of the road next to a park.

O'Neill got out wordlessly and walked over to a picnic table. Teal'c's only choices were to stay in the truck or follow. He chose to follow.

"So spill it, Teal'c. What happened up there?" O'Neill glanced skyward before swinging his leg over the bench and taking a seat in the dark.

Teal'c preferred to stand. "We were trapped on the _Odyssey_ for fifty years, O'Neill. Many things happened."

"Yeah, but I'm betting only one thing is really getting to you. Come on, Teal'c. I'm your friend here."

"You are _gone_," he said angrily.

O'Neill stared at him and then nodded slowly. "Yeah, I know. I'm not around much anymore. But we're still friends, aren't we?"

It was not O'Neill who Teal'c was really angry with. Teal'c gave in and took a seat at the table. "We are."

"Then tell me what's going on."

"I will not tell you everything and the others are not to know."

"I'm not saying you have to and I can keep a secret. Well, usually. Okay, not that time that you slipped and fell in the mud on that mission to planet whatever-it-was, but about this, I can keep a secret."

He knew that O'Neill used humor to ease discomfort. While humor did not work that way for him, Teal'c appreciated O'Neill's efforts. "We were trapped on the _Odyssey_ for a very long time. It is only natural that relationships would deepen."

"Yeah, I imagine."

"Colonel Carter and I become involved."

Teal'c heard O'Neill's hands begin to fidget. "Involved as in…"

"We were together for forty-seven years."

O'Neill let out a low whistle. Then after a long silence he said, "And now she's in the Pegasus Galaxy."

"She took a photograph of _you_ with her." He tried to keep the note of accusation out of his voice. He was unsuccessful. O'Neill's hands instantly quieted their fidgeting and his silhouette straightened. "She has always had feelings for you as you have had feelings for her."

"Teal'c-"

"If this were Chulak and you were Jaffa-"

"You'd kill me where I stand…sit…whatever."

Teal'c stared at the stars above him and somewhere in the back of his mind he heard cello music. Mournful, beautiful cello music that tore his heart in two. "Not even on Chulak would that be my right. As you said, O'Neill, the timeline I was a part of ceased to exist. She is not my Samantha Carter. She does not even remember."

"I'm sorry, Teal'c."

"As am I."

"And you didn't tell her any of this before she left."

"I felt it was the wisest course of action. She was able to go unfettered, to accept the honor with which she was bestowed." Teal'c knew that O'Neill would understand this, as he himself had made similar calculations. "I did not want her to have any reluctance to leave on my account."

He heard O'Neill sigh and then his shadow reached over and gave Teal'c's shoulder a squeeze.

Teal'c did not doubt that Samantha Carter had loved him. But it had taken an empty ship and several years for them both to see each other in a new light. With a million galaxies and a million possibilities, that spark would never be rekindled. It was lost forever among the stars.

Teal'c closed his eyes. "O'Neill, are you familiar with cello music?"

"Eh, yeah, I have a few CDs. Why?"

"If you could write down the names of some pieces, I would be most appreciative."

"Yeah, sure." O'Neill paused and even in the dark, Teal'c could see the questioning look.

"As I have said, I will not tell you everything."

And to Teal'c's relief, O'Neill did not ask him any further questions. They sat amiably in the dark for several minutes.

"We should probably get back," O'Neill said softly, rising to his feet.

"Indeed." Teal'c followed suit and then paused to glance up at the stars as he had done every night since she had left.

_Be safe Samantha Carter_.

---------------  
-knightshade  
October 21, 2007


End file.
